Here’s the sequence of exercises and mantras:

• Eye Reset (Vagus Nerve Reset): Look left and right with your head still, waiting for a yawn, swallow, or release.

  • Mantra: I am Safe and Supported

• Cat/Cow:

  • Mantra: There’s nothing to fix

• Flat Back Hip Internal Rotation: Keeping your back flat, feet going out (clapping feet).

  • Mantra: I am supporting myself

• Quadruped Hip IR (Block + Lift): Block under the knee, slow rock back and hold, return to center, lift the knee, and hold to reset.

  • Mantra: I’m allowing my body to open, not forcing

• Dynamic Downward Dog:

  • Mantra: I can move through life without holding tension

• Pigeon Pose:

  • Mantra: I am safe, I release with ease

• Child’s Pose: Feeling the pelvic floor expand with your breath, using an “s” sound on the exhale if needed (2+ minutes).

  • Mantra: I don’t have to hold anything in my body, God’s got it for me.

Today, while resting in Child’s Pose, I had a beautiful experience where in my head I heard a song that I learned way back in children’s church called “He’s got the Whole World in His Hands”. Like most children’s songs, it has a catchy tune and a very repeatable chorus which basically rotates between people/places/things that God holds in his hands… and every chorus ends with “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands”.

And while I allowed this song to flow through me, I pictured so many people and situations being held by these beautiful, loving, and capable hands.

In the past, when I have thought of surrender I sometimes see myself placing worries/people/situations in a set of loving hands to be taken care of (better than I can even imagine is the thought I like to think for what God/the Universe, or the Divine wants for me). However, this was the first time this particular song came to me in this way.

I felt so loved, supported and taken care of. Like a friend was telling me that I’m not alone and gently reassuring me that I don’t have to hold these things in my body or carry them by myself.

I allowed myself to fill with peace and contentment and took a moment to send love to all the people and situations that came to mind as well as myself.

Our bodies are incredibly smart.
Sometimes, when our minds refuse to put down the weight of the world,
our muscles step in to carry it for us.

Our nervous systems are designed to keep us safe, but old neural pathways run on auto-pilot and sometimes we end up somewhere without recognizing how we got there in the first place.

While resting on that mat, I affirmed once again that I don’t have to carry the weight alone and that I’m consciously choosing to change the old unconscious pattern of holding things in my body.

Like most things that are worth having, this isn’t a one-time revelation. It’s a practice and process that builds upon itself - a series of (often small) practices that I choose again and again so that they become my new auto-pilot.

• Practicing compassion instead of criticism.

• Choosing empowerment instead of over-functioning.

• Leaning into releasing instead of gripping.

To do that, I have found that it’s deeply helpful to have the concrete visualization of actually letting things go. For me, if I believe that the Divine is capable of holding the whole world, then surely, these hands can be trusted to hold my worries, too.

I’ve shared here before that sometimes I use other visuals, affirmations, or tools to release and focus my faith and attention on what I do want to experience and create. This experience happened so beautifully and was so natural that it felt simple and deeply moving.

So I invite you to consider…

What is your body trying to hold right now?

If you paused for just a moment and imagined placing it into a set of loving, capable hands, what would it feel like to let your body soften - even just a little?

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments. ❤️

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I don’t wanna

I don’t wanna write

I don’t wanna fight

I don’t even know what I want to do tonight

I just want some peace

I just want some space

I just want my feelings to not feel so all over the place

I want to feel peaceful

I want to feel calm

I want Divine Timing to hurry along

I want my kids out

But I want to feel close

I want to feel healthy but still enjoy toast

The world is your oyster, there’s so much to choose

But also i want it simple and maybe only one or two?

I can hold all these things

I can hold lots of space

And I can want to escape and give myself grace

I’m not going for perfection, not even a try…

In fact I think I’m just going to go and look at the sky.

What about you?

When resistance is strong, how do you give yourself a permission slip to just stop forcing or fighting… not in an avoidant way, but in a meeting yourself where you’re actually at kind of way?

Let’s normalize needing to pause. Share in the comments below!👇

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Like any good manifestation journey, this one starts with something that we don’t want…
My husband was part of the Epic Games layoff in April (1000 people were let go). He’s the main income provider for our family, and so this is not… ideal, should we say.

As he’s been looking for a new job I have had the opportunity to “sharpen” my manifestation skills, clarify my focus, and to deeply lean into my faith.

A lot of this faith was developed in 2024 when (less than a year after moving to a new house, in a new state), he was laid off from a different company. If that experience was a deep dive “Master’s Course” in trusting the Divine… we’ll say I’m now earning my PhD.

It’s funny (not in the haha sense) how the God/The Universe gives us the opportunity to heal and go even deeper than we knew we could.

And now… I realize that I fully trust the Divine to provide what I need… that the how will unfold in perfect order…

AND

I recognize that the area I am currently struggling with is the Divine’s timeline.

Internally, I’m like “I’d really like an ETA here please?!?!?!”

To hold both the belief that things are unfolding in divine timing AND that I want to know exactly when that timing can be expected, lol.

It’s interesting (and sneaky) because for me, this doesn’t show up as a specific feeling of fear most of the time… sometimes it’s mental spinning… or I notice that my breath is shallow, or my shoulders are creeping up to my ears… or a heaviness in my stomach. Sometimes it comes from me, and sometimes it’s triggered by someone else.

So here’s what I’m doing about it.

• Awareness: Noticing what I’m holding, where I’m “should-ing” on myself, where I can be proud of myself, and what I’m grateful for.

• Meditation: specifically focusing on compassion, releasing, and then bringing in the feeling sense of what I want to create. This is not a bypass - this is deep healing work.

• Journaling: One that I love is using Gabby Bernstein’s journaling exercise to get out the heavy thoughts so I can shift to the next best feeling.

• Cord cutting: An energetic technique for intruding thoughts. I use a physical chopping motion with my hand to separate the energy and push it away. (Energy loves when the physical body gets involved!)

• Compassion: Giving grace to myself in this very real, uncertain human experience, and to others walking through it with me.

• Surrender: While it’s important to know what I want, the how and details are something to let go of. Even on some level, the want is surrendered because when I get down to the feeling of what I’m wanting… that can look very different than what I thought would happen. The “magic phrase” of “This or Something Better” helps me both for what I want as well as trust that the highest good is unfolding.

• Discernment: recognizing what’s mine coming up versus someone else’s energy as well as what’s mine to do and what’s not.

• Focus: Getting clear on what I want, as well as what I can control, contribute and focus on. Also, taking time to fill myself up with positive resources like podcasts, programs, and books.

• Mind Candy: Giving myself permission to decompress with books or shows that require zero heavy lifting.

• Talking: I’m not trying to “do” this alone, I have built and lean on my support system, and sometimes I have to borrow their faith for a minute.

None of this is ‘easy’, but it works.

None of it is instant fixes… but the more I do this work the more I see that when I’m caught up in fear and urgency, I feel stuck.

When I come back to peace, gratitude, trust, and align with the feelings I want to create, movement tends to happen. For example, after doing some of this focused work the last couple of days, today Brian received an email requesting next steps in an interview process.

Not necessarily because my meditation “caused” the email, but I do know that I felt more peaceful, more grounded and more trusting (even in the when). When I’m in that energy life seems to flow more easily and is definitely more tolerable.

Do I still want that ETA? Absolutely.

But while I’m still in the messy middle, I can (and will) create pockets of peace that give me a safe space to rest.

What about you? When you’re stuck in the messy middle of a major life transition, how do you create pockets of peace for yourself?

Let’s talk in the comments.

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During this time of recovery I leaned into what my body was telling me and got a lot of really good insights into listening and what it means to honor where I’m at versus where I want (or expect) myself to be.

One of the ponderings that came to mind was about balance.

And how I’ve really come to dislike the term because it feels like balance means equal… and that’s not reality.

The thought (or feeling) of if I’m not “in balance” it must mean I’m doing something “wrong”.

So I’ve avoided using the term balance when talking about creating much of anything in my life.

But then I had this thought… what if balance isn’t a destination but a practice?

As I rested and let my body take the lead for a while, I knew that balance wasn’t asking me to do the same amount of everything.

Balance isn’t about equal distribution. Balance is about appropriate response.

• When you’re recovering, rest gets more attention.

• When you’re building something, work gets more attention.

• When a friend (or family member) is struggling, relationships get more attention.

In all of these cases, it’s responding to what is needed at the moment. And none of them are meant to stay that way forever.

What comes to mind is yoga, when I practice a balance pose, my focus isn’t actually on balancing (honestly, that usually makes it worse, lol).

• It’s about finding something steady to focus on.

• Staying connected to my center.

• Feeling what my body is doing.

• Making tiny adjustments as I wobble.

That sure is a lot like life, isn’t it?

And when I fall down when practicing? (notice the when, not if - because it is going to happen now and then)

Sometimes I laugh… Sometimes I sigh… or I shake it off, reset and then restart - sometimes in an easier variation or modification of the pose - but always I get back up and get back into a pose - even if it’s resting into child’s pose.

Do I always like that I’ve lost my balance in the pose? No.

Do I sometimes wish I was stronger or steadier than where I’m at? Yes.

But to the best of my ability, I keep coming back to the practice.

Noticing what I’m noticing.

What if being balanced in life isn’t just about finding the “right” amount or way to distribute your time and energy?

What if it’s about the actual practice of being in the process… feeling the wobbliness… finding those minute changes, shifts and awareness of where to focus so that it becomes easier and easier the more you do something.

Learning what adjustments feel good and bring more stability.

Learning what falling out of alignment and finding our way back feels like.

With practice you never expect to just be done. There are always new poses, new challenges, new seasons, and new opportunities to return to yourself.

This is something I both love and struggle with, can you relate?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this perspective!

How do you think about balance in your life?

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It can help shift energy, focus and perspective.

There’s a reason gratitude is one of the most talked about and accessible healing tools. It impacts our mental, emotional, physical, and even spiritual well-being.

Our brains are naturally wired to automatically be on the lookout for danger (perceived potentials and/or actual ones), and gratitude helps train our brains to look for the good that is present.

Thinking about this from a protective parts viewpoint gave me more understanding and compassion for myself during the times when I’m not automatically seeing the good in my life.

It gives me permission to not be perfect, to be human.. with a human brain… that’s doing very human things.

It’s really freeing to recognize that gratitude is actually a skill. That means that it’s something we can practice and train our brains on so that it becomes more natural (neuroplasticity for the win!!!!).

When it’s something to practice rather than perfect, it feels much more achievable.

One of the powerful things about gratitude is that as we focus on the positive things in our life that we’re grateful for, it often shifts our feelings and energy… but sometimes it’s not that easy (or quick).

Like most things in life, gratitude works best when it’s connected to honesty, embodiment, and presence.

As I’ve been really leaning in to listening to myself more fully I’ve recognized that there are times where I have used gratitude as a bypass.

I’ve discovered a part of me that sometimes… just wants to slap an “I’m grateful for” list on my day and not deal with the often complex underlying feelings that are actually present.

That productive part of me wants to just “do it”, feel better, and check it off my list.

I’ve come to see how that part of me is trying to help. It wants the relief of a finished list… but gratitude isn’t a task to be completed.

I’ve learned that when I say the words without the feelings… it falls flat.

Think about someone telling you they’re glad to see you with a scowl on their face or sarcastic tone… it wouldn’t feel authentic would it?

If you’re saying I’m grateful for something while ignoring what you’re feeling, something inside you knows it’s not authentic.

Now don’t get me wrong - if that’s where you can start then that’s awesome (see above… progress, not perfection 😉).

There are neurologic and chemical changes that absolutely start to happen in the brain simply by beginning to focus on positive things, which helps your physical body and more.

But if that’s where you stop… It’s like staying in second gear when you’ve got so much more available.

Gratitude is not meant to diminish your reality or bypass the complicated and sticky parts of life.

It’s meant to expand your perspective and enjoyment of it.

Even during the hard times.
Especially during the hard times.

Authentic gratitude invites in a feeling of appreciation for something (or someone). It can be so much deeper and have more meaning than a simple awareness that you like something.

But here’s a real truth - sometimes authentic gratitude coexists with hard feelings.

When you’re in a space of struggle or not feeling good, it can take a little extra time, attention, and creativity to shift into that space.

So, in those times, instead of creating a list of things you’re grateful for, it may be helpful to shift your approach.

Instead of forcing gratitude, it may help to:

• start smaller (even the tiniest appreciation is progress)

• get sensory (think cozy blankets, tea, looking at art or picture)

• borrow gratitude from tiny moments or memories

You can appreciate without pretending everything is okay.

Sometimes, mixing your practice up can be a helpful and fun way to inspire gratitude in a new or deeper way.

Here’s a creative activity that can be a lot of fun and invite in a feeling of playfulness - The Gratitude Alphabet Game (can be done by yourself or with others). From A-Z list items for each letter that you are grateful for, pausing with each one to really be in appreciation. It was the first time I really thought about how grateful I am for Q-Tips, lol, and now I regularly appreciate them… how about zippers, they are so convenient and make our lives so much easier! The trick with this one is to challenge yourself to not simply re-use items each time you practice it! I personally find this one great to do when my mind is busy as I’m going to sleep.

Another fun and powerful practice introduced by Christy Whitman is picking one thing, and then listing several reasons you’re grateful for that one thing.

Here’s an example -

I’m grateful for the privacy window “clings” that are in the door to my office.

• I love that they are unique and a beautiful stained glass pattern that I enjoy seeing, almost like a work of art.

• I love that my husband and I worked together on the project and that it was an opportunity for connection and for making this home feel like ours.

• I love that I have privacy and an office to work in from my home.

• I love that I had the creative idea to find this solution.

• I love that there were options to choose from and I was able to find one that I really love.

In this moment, as I looked for reasons why I love those window clings I felt a softening within myself, a small smile spread across my face, and I took a deep breath. I feel more grounded and in true appreciation for something that often becomes background “noise”.

Going deeper into one thing and the multiple reasons you are grateful for it, really helps connect to the feeling sense of gratitude and to begin to embody it within your nervous system.

These fun versions of gratitude can help us shift into a different mood or mental space… even if it’s only for a little while.

It doesn’t magically make everything better… but it can magically shift the energy that you’re feeling. And the more that we are in that better feeling place, the more we find reasons to stay there.

Gratitude is a beautiful way to hold the ANDs in our lives.

I can be disappointed… AND… I can be grateful for many blessings.
I can have uncertainty… AND… I can be grateful for the support that has shown up.
I can be frustrated with my children… AND… I can be grateful to be their mom.
This is hard… AND… I am held.

And if you’re in a place where gratitude isn’t helping you shift… or you have to keep coming back to it over and over again… have compassion for yourself.

You’re not “doing it wrong”.

One tool… even if it’s a really great one… doesn’t always work for every situation, or in a one and done way.

Being real about where you’re at takes courage and vulnerability.

At the end of the day, gratitude isn’t a destination where we arrive and stay forever. It’s a tool we use to build the bridge while we’re still in the messy middle.

When we stop using gratitude to cover up our pain and start using it to expand our capacity for what we can hold, things change.

We aren’t bypassing our lives, we’re honoring all parts of ourselves (even the beautifully messy ones).

I’d love to hear from you! Pick just ONE thing in your room right now ~ what are three reasons you’re grateful for it? Let’s practice going deeper together in the comments.

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Keep an eye on the chat this Friday, I’m going to start a thread so we can play the Gratitude Alphabet Game together!

Because this is one of those times where more than one thing can be true.

I can have evidence of lack…
of contrast…
of something I don’t want.

AND

I can feel the energy of what I do want.
I can connect to the experience I’m calling in, and visualize what having it will look and feel like.
I can choose actions, thoughts, and feelings that align with that future.

It’s the AND that matters.

The AND is where we get to hold more than one truth and begin to stretch and grow.

Manifesting isn’t about ignoring reality and pretending everything is fine.
It’s not about slapping positive thoughts on top of something that feels hard.

It’s more nuanced than that… more honest… and frankly, more challenging and more powerful.

The AND has given me the gift of getting to know the complexities of who I am, and meeting myself where I’m at… even when that’s not the pretty “look at what I’ve got” phase.

Manifesting always starts with contrast — with noticing something you want that isn’t here yet…. or experiencing something that makes you realize you want something different.

Some contrast is bigger or more intense than others.

But if you were in a place of total fulfillment, you probably wouldn’t want anything more.

It’s seeing something you want and feeling inspired (I had to learn to feel inspired rather than jealous by the way, but that’s another story for another day)… or experiencing something that shows you what you want to be different.

It all starts with the lack of something you want or need.

There’s a gap between where you are and what you want… and the GAP is where the work happens.

Shawn Fink, a great coach I know and have followed for years calls this the messy middle. And I honestly can’t think of a better way to describe it.

And when we’re in that messy middle, we need compassion — boatloads of it.

Through my work with Christy Whitman, I’ve come to understand compassion as “the great neutralizer”. And I’ve experienced that firsthand more times than I can count.

Compassion softens the edges.
It helps us stop fighting what we feel… and start meeting ourselves where we are.

Not so we stay stuck there… but so we can actually process and release it.

And from there… something opens.

Perspective.
Possibility.
Clarity.
Gratitude for what is, while becoming joyfully open (even expectant) of good.
And eventually we get to the place of inspired action.

It’s not a one and done process either. Depending on the level of contrast (and how messy your middle is), you may have to go back to compassion over and over and over.

If you can stay with yourself in the AND… through the messy middle… through the moments that don’t feel resolved yet… you begin to build something deeper than just the outcome.

You build trust.
In yourself.
In the Universe, the Divine, God… whatever higher power you relate to.
In the process.
In what’s still unfolding.

Even if it’s not exactly what you thought it would look like.

Even if where you end up results in new desires or clarity of what you want to be different.

This has been especially real for me lately — holding the vision of more stability and flow in our life… while also navigating moments that feel uncertain.

This is where I come back to the AND… to compassion… and to consciously choosing to focus on what I want, without abandoning myself, or what’s real.

This is me choosing to stay present and true to all parts of myself.

If you’re in your own version of a messy middle, I invite you to pause and find the space for AND, and give yourself both compassion and the room to breathe in the middle of it all.

If this post resonates I’d love to hear your comments below.

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Just because something feels hard…
doesn’t mean I’m doing it wrong.

It doesn’t mean I’m behind.
Or that I missed something.
Or that I should be handling it better.

Emotional intelligence doesn’t mean we stop feeling the weight of things.

Love adds weight.
History adds layers.
And recognizing we can’t make choices or create motivation for others?

That’s both freeing and scary.

So if things feel heavy sometimes…
it’s not a failure of skill.

It’s what happens when you care deeply
and stay conscious.

To be perfectly honest, this is still hard for me sometimes (like right now, for instance… lol).

Sometimes I still struggle with feeling like I must be doing it wrong if I’m feeling overwhelmed, tired, or sad…

when people in my life are struggling or making questionable decisions…

or when old patterns of wanting to fix, over-function, or distract myself pop up…

And I have to sit with that part of me with compassion.

Sometimes I vent.
Sometimes I ask for honest feedback from trusted people.

And slowly — sometimes very slowly…
I start to soften.
I start to shift.

And that shift isn’t always in making it lighter right away…

but in how I meet myself inside of it.

Because the way you show up for yourself in those moments?

That’s where self-love lives.

We’re not meant to exist alone.

Being in relationship is like a Venn diagram — separate, whole… and still affecting each other in the overlap.

And sometimes that overlap feels beautiful.
And sometimes it feels heavy, chaotic, and full.

And yes… sometimes those moments call for clearer boundaries.

But feeling something deeply in the middle of it is not the same as doing something wrong.

All of it is part of being human.
Of being in relationships.

Pausing long enough to recognize my discomfort…
and yes, even my own dysregulation…
is a skill I’ve built over time.

And some days, I’m better at it than others.

But even in the moments where it feels messy or slow…

I can see it.
I can feel the difference.

And truly, that in itself is something worth acknowledging…
and even something worth appreciating.

Because learning to stay with yourself in the discomfort…

without rushing to fix it, escape it, or make it mean something about you…

That’s not failure.

That’s growth.

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No one is coming to schedule your self-care for you.

(Not because you’re not worth it…
but because it’s actually yours to choose.)

So this is your unofficial, lovingly sassy nudge:

Drink some water.
Take a breath.
Step outside for a minute.

(You’re basically a houseplant with more complicated emotions).

You don’t have to overhaul your life today —
just take one small step towards honoring yourself.

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In this 90-second reset, we move away from the “chase” and back into the body. Take a breath with me and notice what’s already here.

But if you’re consistently — and often quietly — exhausted, resentful, or overwhelmed…
there’s a good chance you’re carrying more than is actually yours.

Let’s talk about that.

The terms overfunctioning and over-carrying can be used separately, and sometimes interchangeably. And for many people (myself included), they’re relatively new ways of understanding patterns that have been running for a long time.

According to Mental Health America, overfunctioning is a behavioral pattern where someone consistently takes on too much responsibility — managing or solving problems for others who are capable of handling those tasks themselves.

It’s described as an anxious, often unconscious response to stress… one that tries to create control and stability.

Over carrying (not in the dictionary, btw) is how I describe something similar —
holding, managing, or emotionally carrying things that aren’t actually your responsibility… often for longer than is healthy (for us and for others).

These patterns can show up in both obvious and sneaky ways.

And at the root of most of them?
A genuine desire to be helpful.

But when that desire isn’t checked or balanced… it can lead to burnout, resentment, and strain in our relationships.

Let’s come back to this part of the definition:
“an anxious, often unconscious reaction to stress that aims to control situations…”

If you’ve ever been told you’re “controlling,” I want to gently invite you to pause for a moment.

Take a breath.
Wrap yourself in a little hug of compassion here.

Because more often than not… this isn’t about control.

It’s about a nervous system that’s looking for safety.

When we become dysregulated — oftentimes before we’re even consciously aware of it — our system looks for ways to create order, stability, and relief.

That might look like:

• wanting things done a certain way

• stepping in to make sure something gets finished

• taking on one more thing because it feels easier than leaving it undone (or having that conversation again…)

Sometimes it’s not even about the task itself.

It’s about completing something — anything — so your system can feel a sense of closure.

It’s why so many people clean when they’re stressed.

There’s a dirty counter → you wipe it → it’s done.
Immediate result. Immediate relief.

Your brain gets a little hit of “ahhh… better.” (Yay dopamine 😃)

And over time… this becomes a pattern.

It becomes easier to just do it yourself.
To handle it. Fix it. Carry it.

Little by little, you take on more…
often without even realizing it’s happening.

Sometimes to help.
Sometimes to avoid.
Sometimes because it just feels easier in the moment.

Until one day… you’re exhausted from carrying a load you didn’t consciously choose.

Let me give you an image.

Imagine you’re going for a walk.

And along the way, you come across stones in your path.
Instead of stepping around them… you pick them up and put them in your backpack.

One here. One there.
No big deal.

Until eventually… the weight starts to add up.

That’s what over carrying can look like.

We move through life picking up “stones” that were never ours to carry in the first place.

The work begins when we pause long enough to look inside the backpack.

To notice what’s there.

And then gently ask:
Is this mine?
Is it not?
Do I actually want to keep carrying this?

And if the answer is yes…
How can I carry it in a way that doesn’t weigh me down?

And if the answer is no…
How can I give it back in a way that is healthy… not just chucking it at the owners head, lol.

That’s the work after the realization.

Not dropping everything overnight.
Not getting it perfect.

But slowly… intentionally… choosing what’s actually yours.

And remembering that your worth isn’t measured by how much you can hold.

It’s not easy.

But it is freeing.

And yes… it’s messy… in a really beautiful way.

You might even pause today and ask:
What am I carrying… that isn’t actually mine?

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Sometimes it’s subtle — a vague sense of dissatisfaction.
Other times it’s clearer — “well… that wasn’t what I needed.”

And what’s interesting is… we don’t always realize we were needing something in the first place.

But we were.

Lately, I’ve been paying closer attention to this in real time.

That moment when I feel the pull to text someone.
Or call.
Or reach out.

Instead of immediately acting on it, I’ve been pausing just long enough to ask:

What am I actually wanting right now?
How do I want to feel?

And the answers have been… illuminating.

Years ago, I noticed something about an old relationship.

Every once in a while, he would pop into my mind. And for a long time, I thought it meant I missed him.

But when I slowed down and really looked at it…

I realized I didn’t miss him —
I missed how he made me feel.

Special.
Seen.
Chosen.

That awareness changed everything.

More recently, I caught myself wanting to call my dad.

On the surface, it seemed simple. Just a normal “I should check in” kind of thought.

But when I paused…

I realized something deeper was there.

I didn’t just want to talk.
I wanted to feel supported.

And here’s where real-time healing comes in.

Because I know my dad.
And support… isn’t something he consistently has “in stock.”

But a younger part of me?
She’s still in there… and she still wants what she wants.
She still hopes.
She still reaches.
She still wants her dad to show up in that way.

This is where the vending machine analogy comes in.

Not every vending machine stocks the same things.

If I go looking for a snack… but the machine only has drinks, I’m going to be disappointed.

If I want a Snickers… and all that’s available are Kit Kats, I’m going to be disappointed.

It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with the machine.

It just means…
I’m looking in the wrong place for what I need.

(I wrote more about this idea in a previous post — you can read the full version here.)

This is the shift:

Learning what people actually “stock.”
And choosing accordingly.

Not from judgment.
Not from resentment.

But from clarity.

One of the most helpful takeaways for me (inspired by Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents) is setting a clear intention before I reach out (or reach for a snack… or hit play on that next episode, lol).

Sometimes that intention is simple:

“I just want to hear his voice.”

In that case, the conversation can be light.
Neutral.
Even enjoyable.

But if I notice I’m wanting comfort… support… reassurance…

I pause.

And I don’t make the call.

Not as punishment.
Not as avoidance.

But as self-respect.

Because I’m no longer asking someone for something they don’t have to give.

Instead, I meet myself where I am.

Sometimes that looks like reaching out to someone I know is able to hold that space.

And sometimes… it looks like turning inward.

Wrapping up in my “compassion blanket.”
Letting myself feel held.
Letting myself feel seen.

Listening to what’s actually moving inside of me, instead of trying to bypass it through someone else.

And what I’ve found is this:
There is something incredibly empowering about being able to witness the part of me that is reaching…
…and stay with her.

To soothe her.
To support her.
To love her.

Not because I’m alone in the world.

But because I trust myself to show up when it matters.

For someone who learned early on
to read the room…
to prioritize everyone else’s emotions, needs and wants…
to over-function in relationships…

This has been a profound shift.

From reaching outward for regulation… to creating it within.

From disappointment… to discernment.

From hope that someone else will meet the need… to knowing I can.

And the beautiful thing is…

This doesn’t just apply to relationships.

It shows up in food.
In habits.
In impulses.
In patterns we’ve repeated for years without questioning.

Every time we pause and ask:

What am I really needing right now?

We open the door to something new.

If you met that need the way you would for someone you deeply love… what might change?

I’m curious — have you noticed this in your own life? Has there ever been a time when you reached for something and recognized the deeper need underneath?

If this resonated, feel free to share it or reply — I read every message.

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This meditation came through recently as I was supporting my son through a moment of anxiety and overwhelm.

It’s a gentle practice to help you ground, feel supported, and softly shift your energy away from stress and into possibility.

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Now, before you run to the pantry for a snack, stay with me here for a moment.

Last week I shared how I experienced the power of pausing and listening deeper for the thought behind the feeling (you can read that post here if you missed it).

But there are often more layers to this.
And sometimes, those layers are sticky…

Which brings me to one of my most used analogies…
The Sticky Biscuit.

You know those flakey layered biscuits (not naming any brands here… but you know the ones)... the ones that when pulled apart some of the layers come apart cleanly, with ease, while others have the thin, almost tissue-like layers that aren’t quite attached any longer, but are clearly stuck to the other layer?

Whelp, that’s what our emotions are like.

Sometimes it’s one layer - clean, “easy” and understandable.

But sometimes (many times in fact) there are multiple layers of feelings stuck together.

And this is one of those moments of invisible inner work… the kind that isn’t often talked about.

Like when you feel irritated at someone…
but underneath there’s actually hurt.
Or disappointment.
Or feeling unseen.

Anger often comes with sadness.
Fear comes with doubt and/or worthlessness.

So many layers.
So many combinations.

No wonder it doesn’t always make sense right away.

And for those of us who are used to carrying a lot… it’s easy to react from that top layer without ever realizing there’s more underneath.

But learning to “pull” them apart - not by forcing… but by noticing, in a loving, curious and compassionate way - takes time, awareness, and patience.

And this is where slowing down really matters.
Not to fix anything… but to actually hear yourself more clearly.

Because once you do, your capacity and understanding bloom in richer and deeper ways.

If we react from only the top layer,
without understanding what’s underneath,
we often misinterpret ourselves… and our deeper needs.

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When we start to see the layers, our complexities become something we want to understand… not fix.
Something we can hold with steadiness.

They say knowledge is power (I don’t know who says it, but if it’s a they it has to be right, lol)... and on this one I agree, but I’d take it a step further:

Self-knowledge is power.

And we access and build this power by becoming aware.
By utilizing a pause.
By learning to quiet ourselves and become curious rather than critical.

This is the kind of space where we practice that - gently, imperfectly, and in real time.

And I invite you to think about your life and your emotions…

Where do you have “sticky biscuit” situations going on?

How might you utilize a pause to begin gently pulling apart the layers and see what’s actually there?

If this resonates with you (or even if it just makes you hungry 😝), feel free to share it or reply. I read every message.

And if this is the kind of reflection you’ve been needing… I’m really glad you’re here.

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And if you’re someone who tends to carry a lot —
who’s used to being the strong one, the aware one, the one who processes and keeps things moving —
you might relate to this more than you think.

A big part of learning to stop over-functioning has been learning to actually listen to myself.
Who knew that loving myself would require that, lol.

Because in all seriousness…
many of us have deep wounds around not feeling seen, heard, and valued.

But if we won’t do that for ourselves… 🤷🏼‍♀️
who will?

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Recently, I was driving and noticed a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach.

And I immediately thought:
“Of course… this is about Brian’s layoff.”

That would have been the end of it before.
Feel the feeling. Process the energy. Move on.

But this time, I paused a little longer.

And with curiosity (and honestly, a little skepticism), I asked myself:
“What is the thought underneath this feeling?”

And what came forward?

Something completely different than what I expected.

Like… completely different.

And it stopped me in my tracks.

Because I realized something in that moment:

I had learned how to feel my emotions…
But I hadn’t fully learned how to listen to the thoughts underneath them.

HOLY CRAP.

THIS IS HUGE.

Because how often do we do this?

We feel something…
we assume we know why…
and we stop listening too soon.

I’m a big feeler.
I know how to move energy. I know how to process emotions.

But how often have I only been partially listening to myself?

How often have I bypassed the deeper truth — not by avoiding… but by assuming?

How much more of me wants to be fully, deeply, truly heard?

That question alone opened something new for me.

Because once I actually saw the real thought… working through it was surprisingly clear. Almost easy.

And it made me realize something else:

The pause isn’t just for calming down. It’s not just for “feeling your feelings.”

The pause is for listening.

Listening a little longer than we’re used to.
Long enough for something deeper — and more true — to emerge.

And maybe this is especially important right now.

As life starts to fill back up again… as schedules get busier, energy shifts, and everything begins to move faster…

The pause doesn’t become less important.

It becomes essential.

So the next time a feeling comes up, try this:

Pause.

And instead of asking:
“What am I feeling?”

Ask:
“What thought is underneath this?”

And then listen…
just a little longer than usual.

If this resonated, feel free to share it or reply — I read every message.

I’d genuinely love to hear what came up for you.

I’ve got a few beautiful analogies for you today — my brain is really thinking abundantly… in pictures, explanations, and examples apparently 😄

First, imagine a grassy stretch of land. When you start walking on it, you can’t see where you’ve been or where you’re going.

But walk that path a few more times, and it starts to become worn in — easier to see.

Follow it more consistently, and eventually it becomes a well-worn dirt trail.

This is similar to how our brain creates neural pathways.

The more a thought is repeated, a behavior is practiced, or a belief is reinforced — whether internally or externally — the stronger that “path” becomes.

Over time, these pathways can become so automatic that we follow them without even realizing it.

These neural pathways are the unseen patterns we’ve created throughout our lives.

Not that long ago, scientists believed the brain was relatively fixed after a certain age, and that our ability to form new pathways was quite limited.

But more recent research has shown that our brains are remarkably adaptable, with the ability to form new neural connections throughout our lives — a concept known as neuroplasticity.

That said, the patterns we’ve practiced for years (or decades) can feel more ingrained — like deeper, more well-worn trails — which can make new paths feel less natural at first.

In fact, pathways can be so well worn that you may find yourself arriving at places without even remembering how you got there. (Have you ever driven somewhere and realized that while you were technically present, you don’t really remember the journey?)

Now, what does that have to do with abundance, you may be wondering?

Follow the wandering trail of my amazing brain, friends… you can think of this as a guided experience of abundance 💖

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Imagine that in your own mind, you’re walking along the path of abundance. This path has been forged over years… decades… your entire life.

Today, this path leads you somewhere both forgotten… but also somehow deeply remembered.

A beautiful garden.

There are blooms and plants so vibrant they take your breath away.

And as you look around, you also notice something else…

There are open spaces — rich, fertile soil — ready for planting.

And a few weeds, just waiting to be gently pulled.

This is the thought garden of your mind.

And it is ready for you to plant new seeds of abundance, inspiration, and worthiness.

Seeds like:

I am worthy of abundance.
I am a good steward of money.
I allow good things to come into my life.
I am a marvelous receiver.
I am attracting and allowing money to flow into my life in known and unknown ways.

As you plant these seeds, if you notice any weeds — thoughts of not-enoughness — gently pull them out and toss them into the compost.

Even those can be turned into growth material.

I am deserving.
I am supported.
I do not increase my value by increasing my effort.
I have a conscious and loving relationship with money.
I am blessed, and I am grateful.

Now take a moment to look around.

Notice the beauty of what you’ve created.

Nearby, there’s a watering can filled with light.

You pick it up and begin to water your garden.

See the light soaking into the soil… nourishing what you’ve planted.

Some seeds begin to sprout right away.

Others are just beginning — tiny shoots that will grow with time and care.

You notice a bench nearby and take a seat.

Resting.

Taking in the feelings of peace, support, and abundance.

Allowing yourself to simply receive.

As you sit, you notice something above you.

A vast, flowing river of energy.

This is the river of abundance.

Picture it as wide as you want — (pro tip: the more you imagine it, the bigger it becomes 😉)

And from this river, you begin to notice streams flowing down toward you.

At first, maybe just one or two.

But as you remain open… more begin to appear.

Often, we limit how abundance can reach us by believing it can only come through one source — a job, a single opportunity.

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But when we open ourselves to multiple streams, we create space for abundance to arrive in many forms.

You might label these streams:

Opportunities
Blessings
Unexpected windfalls
Divine surprises

Or you may simply enjoy watching the flow expand.

Let yourself receive what is available, in whatever way feels good to you.

When you’re ready, gently return to the present moment.

Place your hand on your heart.

Take a few slow, deep breaths.

Allow yourself to feel the expansion — here and now.

And as you move through your day, notice the path you’re on.

What old thoughts do you want to step off of… or weeds to pull?

What new trails do you want to begin to walk and blooms allow to flourish?

And as you create these new paths, you may start to notice something…

Abundance doesn’t just flow in one way — or at one time.

In some ways, it’s like being in a large banquet hall, with servers moving through the room offering trays of something wonderful.

If you miss one offering, it doesn’t mean there’s nothing left.

Another tray will come by.

Another opportunity.
Another moment.
Another way for abundance to reach you.

The universe has an unending supply that will always be available to us.

We just have to trust in it.

My friends, I want you to know… this work is powerful, but not always easy.

As I’m finishing writing this, I’ve just found out that my husband was laid off.

One stream of abundance has shifted — abruptly.

(He does have a severance, so “closed” doesn’t feel quite right… but it has definitely changed.)

And I had to process that.

I am still processing it.

There were tears. Some very creative language. Long, deep breaths, and long deep hugs. (And a few of my other tools 😉)

But here’s the thing…

Even in the middle of this, I can already feel and see other streams beginning to open.

Opportunities. Possibilities. Support. Energy moving.

The flow hasn’t stopped — it’s just changing. And I’m moving with it.

I’m here with you (and for you) as we all navigate this beautiful and messy life we live.

So I’ll leave you with these final reflections to contemplate…

Are you open to what’s being offered now?

Or are you so focused on a past tray — or waiting for a different one — that you’re missing the goodness right in front of you?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this experience in the comments below — I read every message.

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If this resonated with you or would be helpful for someone you know, feel free to share.

Are you waiting for your pot of gold… or maybe searching for the rainbow of luck?

As I’ve been thinking about abundance lately, I’ve naturally been reflecting on receiving — and how our openness to it (or lack of it) can become a powerful indicator of our inner “worthiness” or “allowance” meter.

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From a young age, most of us are taught that receiving is bad in very subtle ways.

We hear messages like:

• “It is better to give than to receive.”
  Learning that it is selfish — perhaps even shameful — to receive.

• “Money is the root of all evil.”
  (It’s not, by the way. The actual phrase is that greed is the root of all evil.)

• “There are starving children in…”

  Which carries the subtle but powerful message that there are others who are more deserving or more in need than we are.

Then there are the quieter lessons that society, our families, and our experiences teach us over time.

For example:

• Receiving gifts based on performance rather than who you are — instilling the belief that we must work hard in order to receive.

• The expectation of reciprocation.
  Giving becomes transactional — tit for tat — because no one wants to feel indebted. And often, connected to this is the fear of appearing selfish or needing “too much.”

• And perhaps most of all: when we receive, we often have to give up a little control.

  And that can feel uncomfortable.

Receiving also requires vulnerability. We have to ask (or even admit)… and then allow ourselves to be helped.

For those who grew up in environments where needs weren’t always met, this can feel especially risky.

Our brains are wired to avoid disappointment. In fact, our nervous systems often interpret disappointment as a form of danger.

So if past experiences taught us that relying on others wasn’t safe or dependable, our minds will subconsciously look for ways to avoid that feeling again.

And I’m also just going to say it…

Co-dependency can make receiving incredibly difficult.

It can feel much more comfortable to give, help, fix, or even self-sacrifice.

(Trust me — I say that with love from my own journey.)

John Amodeo, PhD, MFT talks about the shame that can arise around receiving help.

He describes shame as:

“The felt sense of ‘what’s wrong with me?’ — a painful feeling of being flawed, defective, or inadequate.”

When we carry that belief, receiving can feel uncomfortable because we fear that if someone sees our real or imagined flaws, we might lose their respect (or acceptance).

The funny thing is that when the situation is reversed — when we are the ones giving — we usually feel good about it.

We enjoy helping.

We feel happy to offer support, assistance, and kindness.

(If this is you, congratulations — you may have earned the gold star for co-dependency. 😉)

No shame or judgment here… just a loving reflection.

So what does blocked receiving look like in everyday life?

“I’m fine.”
“I can handle it.”
“I don’t want to bother anyone.”
“I don’t need anything.”

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But refusing to receive often leaves us chronically empty.

As Martha Beck, PhD writes:

“Refusing to receive leaves us chronically empty, prone to addiction, obsession, codependency, or an eternal psychological hunger that’s never quite satisfied.”

So what does healthy openness to receiving look like?

• receiving help (sometimes even without immediately giving (or planning) something in return)
• receiving love
• receiving compliments (again, without an immediate need to reciprocate)
• receiving support
• receiving abundance
• receiving rest

Now I am all for reciprocation in relationships - it’s healthy and good to have a balance of giving and receiving. But what I’m talking about in the above examples allow space for simply receiving without the need to automatically reciprocate.

Pause for a moment and look at that list again. Let’s go a little deeper.

How do you feel when someone compliments you?

Do you automatically think of something to respond with?
Does it feel uncomfortable to hear or sit with?

Imagine what it might feel like to simply pause… really receive it fully… to take it in and say “thank you.”

To allow yourself to feel appreciation for both the compliment and for yourself?

Each one of those items listed above offers an opportunity to look at receiving in a deeper, and perhaps new way.

And when we begin to receiving differently, something interesting happens.

Abundance starts to flow differently too - sometimes in ways we never expected.

So I’ll leave you with a question to reflect on this week:

Where in your life might you unintentionally be blocking the very abundance you’re hoping to experience more of?

I’d love to hear your reflections in the comments below — I read every message.

If this reflection resonated, feel free to share it with someone who might need the reminder today.

I tend to think of abundance more like a spiderweb of interconnectedness — how feeling abundant in one area can lead to noticing abundance in another.

When I’m feeling stuck in a sense of lack, it’s amazing how simple, tiny practices can help me reconnect to that feeling of expansion.

Sometimes it’s as simple as remembering all the things that exist in incredible abundance without any effort at all…

The number of breaths I take in a day.
The steady beat of my heart.
Leaves on a tree.
Blades of grass.

When I start noticing those things, something shifts.

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And sometimes that shift is subtle.

Not fireworks or instant transformation — just a soft remembering that life is still full in ways we might not have noticed a moment before.

Even on the heavier days.

And when I think about abundance as energy… that feeling expands even more. Energy is all around us, moving through us, present in every moment.

In many ways, abundance — whether it shows up as money, opportunities, creative ideas, or connection — is simply another expression of that energy.

You may have heard the saying, “what you think about, you bring about.”

And while life is rarely that simple or black and white, there is a powerful kernel of truth in it.

What we focus on tends to grow in our awareness.

When we focus on what feels good — what abundance means, looks like, and feels like for us — we naturally begin to notice more of it.

And that will look different for everyone.

But the more we notice it, the more it seems to appear around us.

I don’t believe abundance is something we have to chase.
I think it’s something we consciously become aware of — and then, learn to feel into.

If you want to experiment with this today, I invite you to play with your awareness.

Pause for a moment and focus on three things that are abundant right now.

For example:

Your breath…
The number of ceiling tiles in an office…
The amount of dog hair waiting to be swept up…
The sky…

Notice how you feel while observing the abundance already present in one area.

Maybe put a hand on your heart and anchor that feeling for a moment… maybe two.

Sometimes that’s the beginning of a shift in both perception and attraction.

I’d love to hear from you — what are you noticing that feels abundant in your life right now?

If this resonated, feel free to share it or reply — I read every message.

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A gentle reframe on what grounded actually means.

I recently saw a quote:

“Be so rooted in yourself that nobody’s absence or presence can disturb your inner peace.”

And I felt myself bristle.

Not because I don’t value rootedness.
Not because I don’t value inner peace.

But because underneath it is a subtle message:

If you’re affected… you’re not healed enough.
If someone leaving hurts… you’re not grounded enough.
If someone’s behavior triggers you… you’re not evolved enough.

That’s not enlightenment.
That’s emotional anesthesia.

The real mastery isn’t:

Nothing disturbs me.

It’s:

Things move me… and I know how to move with them.

Inner peace isn’t never being disturbed.
It’s knowing how to regulate and return.

We are relational beings.
We have literal mirror neurons — we are biologically wired to respond to each other. Presence and absence impact us because we are human, not because we’re failing at spirituality.

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This week I caught myself wishing I didn’t feel so affected by someone else’s energy.

Wouldn’t it be “better” to just be unbothered?

But when it was gently reflected back to me that being affected is part of empathy — part of me actually being alive — something clicked.

Of course I’m moved.
I care.
I’m connected.

Trying to be untouched by presence or absence can quietly turn into spiritual bypassing — especially for women who already over-carry and over-function.

We don’t need another impossible standard.

We need this:

Be so rooted in yourself that when someone’s presence or absence stirs you, you trust your ability to come back to yourself with compassion.

It’s okay to be knocked off center.

The practice isn’t never swaying.

The practice is returning — without shaming yourself for being human.

A Small Reflection

Where in your life have you been trying to “not be affected”?

What if being moved isn’t a flaw… but a sign that you care?

And what does returning to yourself look like — in your body, in your breath, in your choices?

If this resonated, feel free to share it or reply — I read every message.

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Fully.
Unconditionally.
Unapologetically.

I’d already been leaning into loving myself more — big life events like major surgery, cancer scares, layoffs, and moves across the country will do that for a girl, you know? — but at 40, I made a conscious decision.

No matter what, I was going to dedicate myself to figuring out this loving-myself business.

Because if I couldn’t love me the way I wanted to be loved… who the hell else was supposed to do it?

It’s still a beautiful, messy, ongoing work in progress. But here’s the part I want to pull back the curtain on today:

So much of learning to love myself has been about boundaries.

About intentionality.
About stopping over-functioning.
About choosing how I show up for myself — which directly influences how I show up for others.

Many people think of boundaries as something we set to control what we allow from others.

But in reality, most boundary work is about what we allow from ourselves.

We cannot create motivation or change in another person.
(Read that out loud and let it sink in.)

What we can create are systems that protect our own peace and wellbeing.
We can decide how we will show up — regardless of what others are doing (or not doing).

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I’ve always loved the Serenity Prayer. It has brought me comfort and acted as a permission slip to pause and ask, “What’s mine here… and what’s not?”

But when I moved into parenting teenagers — and now young adults — I realized I needed a version that felt more livable for this stage.

So here it is.

God grant me the serenity to parent wholeheartedly when faced with push back.
The courage to set boundaries and reinforce rules and expectations.
And the wisdom to know which lessons are mine to teach and
which to leave to the universe.

This prayer was born out of frustration — the kind that comes with raising semi-independent humans who both want (and sometimes need) your help… while simultaneously wanting the freedom to figure everything out on their own.

(Because of course your decades of life experience mean absolutely nothing. 😉)

This stage of life has stretched me more than I expected — and in ways I couldn’t have imagined.

But it’s also revealed so many truths.
And I now love myself (and others) more deeply and fully than ever before.

Life — and parenting — isn’t about control.
It’s about clarity.
(Among other things, of course. 😉)

Less rescuing.
More steadiness.
Less over-functioning.
More trust.
And so much love.

As I move toward the end of this decade of self-love, I’ve realized something important:

The journey doesn’t end.
It grows.
It evolves.
It expands — as I do.

If you’re leaning into this work too, I’ll leave you with this:

Where are you over-functioning?
What discomfort are you trying to prevent?
And what might shift if you trusted the universe to work with you?

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